Dear Diary,

There’s been a ferocious creature prowling the grounds at night.

It makes a ruckus with my garbage — a ploy, no doubt, to lure me out from my fortress, into ambush.

I’m wise to your ways, rodent: in your tracks lies your trickery. With your small, dainty footprints, you’d have death sneak up on me.

Good thing I already make a habit of sleeping all day. It will come in handy for keeping watch at night. (My family doesn’t appreciate all I do for them.)

I’ll have to carry my trusty dagger wherever I go, even in the shower. The fan vent could be an access point.

It’s too risky to take the beast head on. I’ll need to counter with a ploy of my own: depositing unfinished Big Macs in the garbage to gradually poison him with fattening cholesterol. It will be a war of attrition.

To defeat such evil as a racoon one must first educate themselves. That’s why I’m spending my holidays hard at work watching studying movie monsters. Learn of my progress in Brainflora’s next nourishing idea: New Year’s Resolution: No More Horror Films.