Dear Diary,

I’m happy to report that my New Year optimism is paying off. Since my starting point in the depths of nauseous delirium during the early hours of New Year’s Day, it’s been a consistent movement upwards toward a better life. Everyday:

  • There’s more daylight.
  • There are fewer of those atrociously inflated Christmas decorations on people’s lawns.
  • There are fewer pages left in that stupid book on “Emotional Intelligence” that my girlfriend got me for Christmas.
  • The awkwardness of not getting my girlfriend anything for Christmas slips further into the past.
  • There are fewer of those “New Year’s Resolution” people crowding the gym.
  • I become more comfortable with the gut that I picked up over the holidays. (Who knew that even the red cabbage had sugar in it?).
  • And finally, everyday, I get closer and closer to the ultimate souvenir from the holidays: my credit card bill. (Just imagine what it would be if I had gotten my girlfriend something?) 

The only thing that isn’t on an upward trajectory right now is the temperature. But that’s okay, because I’ve Got The Hots For The Cold.