Dear Diary,

People like to complain about the cold, and I like to complain about people complaining, as you well know.

Now I’m not dismissing complaints about the cold simply because I’m cold. It’s also because of the cold’s many benefits:

  • Easier to ignore people when bundled up.
  • Neighbours stay inside.
  • No more goodie-two-shoes knocking at your door with some petition.
  • Most cyclists have given up.
  • Those slow-moving, lackadaisical pedestrians just out for a stroll as you’re waiting to turn the corner — yeah they’re gone.
  • Less fear of missing out, since everyone else is staying in each night, too.
  • More tolerance for burnt food – my specialty.
  • Less stench when garbage piles up in backyard – also my specialty.
  • Less body odor on subway due to multiple layers of clothing.
  • The only chatter you hear is people’s teeth.

֎ Stay Frosty My Friends ֎

You know who ain’t so hot about the cold? Smokers. Well, if they’ve been craving a feel-good fix to their winter blues, they’re in luck: Smokers Rejoice at Warming Weather.