Having lost two fingers last week to frostbite, Canadian Michelle Davis, a formerly aspiring guitarist, is just relieved to once again be smoking her lungs out in comfort.

“OMG, it was so freaking cold last week, I was like, “Mi-Mi-Mishayllll, th-th-this sm-sm-smokeeeen izzzzz gggg-uuu-nnn-aaa k-kill y-y-yeeeewwwww!’”

Michelle had even become accustomed to extinguishing cigarettes into her skin as a way to restore feeling. (Also an effective way to intimidate anyone complaining about her smoking in the building’s doorway).

Fortunately, such life-and-death measures have passed. With temperatures now as high as 1 °C (34 °F) in Canada, Michelle can finally once again smoke to her heart’s content, since it no longer poses a threat to her life.

As happy as we are for smokers like Michelle, no one is happier than the government, who experienced withdrawal symptoms last month over low cigarette sales tax revenue. (Who is the real addict?)

Actually, let’s not point fingers, because when it comes down to it, there’s something we’re all addicted to (and we’ll need those fingers free for it). To pick up what we’re picking at, see Booger Escapes Abduction Attempt: Warns Others.

Pollinate: